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Monthly Archives: January 2012

Hello Dears
Let’s mix it up a bit. I’m already late as I planned to post this earlier in the morning. I digress. Oh well, there is no better time than the present, and I’m on it now! Lol.. This post is kinda lengthy, but worth it. Sit tight, and cop a squat.

Moving right along.

I really like the definition of mingle, and mix & mingle is more a play on words as it relates to my post today. For starters the word “Mingle” means: mix or cause to mix together: “an expression that mingled compassion and bewilderment”. To move freely around a place or at a social function, associating with others”.

So my Dears, I want you to think of my blog as a place to move around and get a full on mix of everything you may need to get you through your day. I want this to be a place of comfort, hope, and relatable experiences. Many of us are more alike than we are different. It’s sounds good for someone to be constantly happy, never experiencing any pain or disappointment or feelings of worthlessness. If every single second of every day is happy happy, joy, joy, then someone is kidding themselves. The issue is, that we don’t share our hurts, mishaps and disappointments. I’ve been guilty of this myself, but then if I don’t share, how can I inspire? Not saying you should share your whole self, but you know, pick and choose your audience. You never know who may be sitting front row needing a word from you. I have my good and bad days, same as anybody else. Things don’t always go the way I expect, sometimes I’m going in circles, and it’s no use in me pretending that I am completely perfect on all levels, because it’s just not true. Sometimes, I literally have to push myself and talk to God just to get out of the bed in the morning. This single mother thing is no field trip through ice cream valleys, and sugar cone streams. It’s hard. I thank God for his hand on my life, and for the support system he has set in place for me. I was twenty-seven years old when I lost my mother, and although I miss her beyond what words can express, God has afforded me the opportunity to come across other mothers who have loved me, and encouraged me as if I were their own. It’s remarkable the women of phenomenal distinction I’ve crossed paths with. Oh the honor. Everyday that I go on, that I write, and I encourage another, I am paying honor to them who have done the same for me. I press.

I’ve been having conversations with an exceptionally rare gem. A single mother, strong, anointed, gifted, and powerful. A wise one, with dreams that go beyond the scope of humanization, dreams that could only be painted by God. I am not going to expose her, but incase she happens upon my blog, she’ll know, this is for her. I believe in you, and it’s for good reason. When you get discouraged, just come here, and get an ounce full of hope to keep pushing. Don’t settle for less, and know your worth. You are even worth so much, that the devil is fighting Jesus for you. We wage war against the enemy, and I declare with authority from the most high that he is defeated. We press.

I stand
You laugh and mock the life I made for you. How did I get here. Stripped of myself, my beauty, and dreams.

Naked before you, and the world. I can’t hide the truth of it all. I gave it all, and tried with my best try, and it still shattered before my eyes.

Before days light, I’ve cried an ocean for you and with every tear, I lost a part of me. I’m tumbling through life and it’s chaotic. Desperately seeking a peak of the woman I use to be. The calm comes when I just stand. Something tells me, Woman, you must stand!
I hear laughter, and children playing on the carousal of life.
I feel the heat of myself and I quiver with anticipation of meeting me again.
I stand tall.
And you, are a distant memory of tears dried by the sun of the new day’s light.
I am me again.
Breathing, living, beautiful, fearfully and wonderfully living my dreams.

That was for somebody, who ever the shoe fits, wear it and know, you are not alone.
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It seems it’s been so long since I’ve done an outfit post. Not that I couldn’t have, I just haven’t. Well, I’m challenging myself to do this no less than 3-5 times this week. Ha! We shall see. I love this outfit, and with the weather changing, my mood is too. I felt like mixing it up, wishing for spring time. That’s where these cute little peach pants came into play. I found these thrifting a few months back and I had them dry cleaned and kinda forgot about them. This fabric is like, butter. I can’t describe it, they just feel good.
I hope you enjoy the outfit, and my mix and mingle post. Let me know and thanks for reading.

I’m wearing:
Glittered tank- thrifted
Military Blazer- F21
Slacks- thrifted
Leopard pumps-Amsterdam boutique
Jewelry- H&M

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Yay me!! Outfit post accomplished!

Peace and blessings,
Dee

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Well what do you know. I’m a versatile blogger. When I read those words on my twitter TL, I couldn’t believe it. I thought me? Is this some joke? A scam? A mistake? I couldn’t believe it. After taking it all in and reading more about it, I realized I was indeed a nominee. I think it’s quite an honor and I totally thank fellow blogger Right-click savefor nominating me. I love her blog, her style, and her natural ability to keep me in stitches. If you haven’t checked out her blog, please be sure to do so.

I was nominated, but in order to be an award recipient I have to follow a few rules. The rules are as followed:

1. I must thank the blogger who nominated me for the award and provide a link back to them in my post.
2. I must share 7 random things about myself.
3. I must pass the award along to 15 recently discovered blogs I enjoy reading.
3. I must contact my chosen bloggers via Facebook, twitter, email etc, to let them know about the award.
4. I must add the versatile Blogger award picture on my blog post.

DONE!!!!

Now on to these random things about myself. Right, like you care! Lol..

1.I have zero tolerance for foolishness and things annoy me easily, I will cut someone off who is getting on my nerves too bad. (sorry, I can’t)

2. I’m shy and kinda quiet, but don’t rub me wrong, or it’s on.

3. Hot tamales are my favorite candies, and no, I don’t like to share them. Lol..

4.I’m a former house-head, definition: lover of house music and clubs/partying Still love house, no longer into clubs/partying.

5. I use to sing in a gospel group, and still sing in the shower 🙂

6. I can do hair, cut, barber, weaves, design nails, etc.., but I don’t like too.

7. I’ve been working in the healthcare industry for the past thirteen years.

Last but not least, on to my favorite part of th post. Where I get to pay homage to my fellow bloggers. These are blogs that I’ve discovered, enjoy, and implore you to visit.
Baby Budget Blog
Her perfect black dress
Spoon full of sugar
The ghetto fashionista
Kingdom Heritage
So She Writes
Swoon
Cheapalicious
Pout Perfection
Minister of style
Journee is Unique
Style made by hand
Food fashion and flow
Cherrie Amore
I wanna be…Fierce
Happy Reading!
And super-dooper thanks again for the nomination. Right-click save said she did the Stanky leg, and just like her I followed suit. No picture of proof, but here I am grinning from ear to ear.

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Peace and Blessings,
Dee

Say what?
Sometimes, you have to do a double take at some of the things you hear. You might have to lean back, with a mean side eye as you mouth the words “say what?
I rode the train for work today and a lady was riding with two small children. The youngest looked like he was about one years old. He cried the whole way. After a while, the mom yells at him, “man , shut up I don’t have no candy man, y’all get on my F**** nerves crying all the time, shut up”.
Say what?
I cringed on the inside.
That poor baby immediately began to cry a river of tears, but this time it was different, these cries came deep from within, a place of hurt. She hurt that little one with her screaming, ranting, and raving. I wanted so badly to snatch him up in my bosom and soothe him and tell him that everything would be alright. I watched and his image lingered in my mind long after the bell sounded for his cries to exit the train. The mom didn’t have any shame. None at all. If she screamed like that on a public train, it’s no telling what she gave those kids at home. It made me wonder who was she, where’d she come from and how was she raised. Was she hurting? Abused? A drug addict? Overwhelmed? Am I judging her? Yes, I totally am. By nature, this is what most of us do. I don’t know her story, but the circumstances prompted me to break out a pen, my notebook, and here is what I came up with.
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Don’t look at me with disgust in your eyes. If you don’t know my name, then you don’t know my shame.

She gave birth to me, but she was not present. She disappeared from my life before I could ever call her Ma-Ma.
She left me to cradle in my own arms. Singing lullabies to myself at night, and eating dry cereal in the morning.
Growing.
From pilar to post.
In her sights and out again. She gave me up and came back again. This time wearing a shinny ring and holding hands with a new daddy. She said, “from now on baby, life is good”.
He bounced me on his knee and tickled my fancy with treats.
He tried to ignite me with passions a young girl should never be made to understand.
Closing my eyes tight.
Ugly, terror, horrifying, imagery of golden lilies and death caskets.
I want to die.
Eyes tightly shut, but try as I might, death will not come.

I tell Ma-Ma to remove that shinny ring from her finger because her new found daddy is a new found disaster.
In one swoop.
She packs my life, my dry cereal and sends me away never to return.
A new place, hardly a home.
Now I’m fighting, stealing, screwing, and strutting.
I light my own flame, and I am high.
I powder my own nose, and I can breathe.
I am sick by morning, and thirsting for more powder and flame by night.
No period
No monthly
No 28 days til the next one, but 9 months later a new life is born.
He sings lullabies to himself while eating dry cereal.
I’m here, but I’m not present.

The cycle continues.
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Yup, I broke out the pen and pad and started writing my Dears. That’s how the situation made me feel. Sometimes, without thinking, we judge people (myself included) without knowing the circumstance nor thinking of why the other person has the wrong behaviors. By nature, I’m an advocate for those who otherwise may not have a voice. My heart leaped for the kids, but after thinking, and writing, I felt something for the mom too. I’m not preaching, just reminding that sometimes we have to think outside what looks right, to get inside of what is right. Mom had some issues and it came from somewhere. I’m praying for her and those innocent helpless babies today.

Peace and blessings
Dee

WARNING: picture heavy
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Hello Dears,
I hope you guys don’t mind, but I wanted to have a celebratory post in honor of my baby girl. Five years ago today I was blessed with a wonderful surprise (and I do mean surprise). Looking back, I can’t imagine my life with out this irresistible, charming, beautiful, fashionable, wise, and spunky little momma.
Happy 5th bday to my baby girl. She is truly a blessing. In celebration of her day, I wanted to do an outfit post of her from the past to the present which shows, this mini diva has been fashionable and chic since her humble beginnings  Lol..

Please enjoy

Everything she is wearing came from baby gap, gymboree, walmart, thrifted, target, old navy, and the children’s place.

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Peace and blessings
Dee

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Fashion break.
Hence the title, this is not a fashion post. In honor of MLK day, I decided to share a childhood memory in representation of the day.

It started when I was a kid, my fascination with the life and legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King. I don’t really know exactly how my obsession began, but I made it my business to devour every piece of literature I could find on King. For starters, we didn’t have a lot of images in books at school of black americans. There were a select few and among them, my favorites were Harriet Tubman, Langston Hughes, and Martin Luther King.
Dr. King was the most talked about famous black American.
I credit my grandfather for learning me up on several black americans that I would have never otherwise heard of.

In 1983 I was in the 6th grade, and I had an assignment to write an essay on a famous black American. I was elated since Martin Luther King Jr was my favorite person in black history, and I knew everything their was to know about him. Imagine my disappointment when the assignment had been been given to another student, and I had to pick another subject. I settled on Langston Hughes who was my second favorite mostly due to his beautiful and eloquently written poetry.
I had my heart set on my Dr King essay though which had turned into a full on speech! I approached my grandfather who was the Pastor of our church and asked if I could read it on Sunday during service. He was all to eager and encouraging to me in a way that warmed my heart. I worked on that paper relentlessly, and I was quite proud of it. I read it aloud for my mother, my aunts, and my grandparents. They all told me it was good work, and I was so excited for Sunday to arrive. The time came for me to read my paper to the congregation at church. I was introduced. I walked up to the podium, and suddenly, I felt woozy. My hands began to tremble, my palms were wet with sweat, my vision was blurry, and my voice had completely disappeared. I remember looking into the audience as people were smiling at me, chanting things like “it’s ok baby, take your time”. This is the moment when I learned that I had stage fright. This was also the moment I realized, I can express myself very well on paper, but in a crowded room, during church service, it just wasn’t happening. I don’t know how I made it through those few minutes that of course seemed like hours. I don’t even know if I read the entire thing, or if my voice was heard even though I spoke into a mic. But I do know, that I was embarrassed and humiliated. I felt like I had let my church down, my family and my grandfather. To my surprise, my grandparents told me that I did a good job inspite of my fears.
It’s a funny story today, but back then, I was horrified.
I’m still a better writer than I am a public speaker. I have gotten better though. As a matter of fact, sometimes I can’t shut up. Ha!

And that’s my childhood memory for MLK day.

I spent my day off lounging, working my vision board, reflecting, and having my kids look up facts about Dr. King. They left me high and dry after a while. Lol..

How about you. Do you have any favorite quotes or memories about MLK.
Check out a few of my favorite quotes below:

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the vitriolic words and actions of the bad people, but for the appalling silence of the good people.

Almost always, the creative dedicated minority has made the world better.

A lie cannot live.

He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it.
-MLK

I thank God for Martin’s dream as well as his stance on equality and justice for all people regardless of race, color, or creed. I’m still fascinated by his claim to fame and will never forget the sacrifices others have made on behalf of a better America.

Happy MLK day everyone. Peace and blessings,
Dee

Hey Dears…
I miss my blog and have stayed away just a tad bit too long. Forgive me readers, and followers.
I’ve been busy doing stuff.

Being a mom, blogging, reading blogs, studying, trying to get into the word more, work, new work, de-cluttering my life, working my vision board, on top of a host of other things is all like having two full time jobs, seriously! And I needed a minute. Woosahhhh… Lol

I spoke to a blogger friend who was telling me about scheduling future post. Hmmmm, maybe I shall try that. Writing is still my first love and it’s also important to me when folks come here and genuinely reach out to me and offer support, encouragement and that extra push I sometimes need. Thank you all for continuing to read my thoughts, ramblings, & moments of temporary insanity. Lol.. Love you guys!! Muah xoxo

You must not know about me, but im sort of a Jack-e of all trades. There are so many things I’ve been blessed with the talent to do. I will begin to show more of those things as my blogging journey continues. One of the things I love is writing poetry. I’m definitely sensitive about it, and I’m more private with it as well. I’ve had secret journals filled with poetry since the age of fourteen. Well, little by little and bit by bit, I’ll allow a glimpse to emerge from time to time of some recent poetry. I say it’s time to break out. Take a look below:

Very deep within, my soul cries out Hallelujah
For I’ve tried life, on my terms, sinking deeper and deeper in sin…
I was lost, and God rescued me from the bowels of my own destruction.
Crazy, depressed, hazy, and blinded by my own selfish desires.
Used, abused, shattered, and cut off, a disguise of my own false existence…
Very deep within, my soul cried out, save me…
And he did.
Now I can breathe the breath of life
I can live, I can laugh, I can sing
My refuge, my strong tower, my knight and shinning armor.
My King plucked me from the bowels of my own despair and welcomed me with open arms.
Oh my soul, from very deep within cries out Hallelujah
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the end..

Let me know what you guys think, and if you’d like me to post more in the future for you guys to read.

I haven’t really had time for outfit post. The last one was a little over a week, and I didn’t even post it. Shame, shame, shame on me!
I wore:
Top: Old Navy
Jeans- Target
Blazer- thrifted
Shoes- rainbow
Hoops, necklace, bangles- Claire’s, F21
Clutch- shoppers world
Peacoat- Target

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As you can see, my natural hair is really growing alot. It’s getting on my nerves and I’m quite board with it, so I braided it up. I haven’t taken any outfit pics since I’ve had the braids, but here’s a quick look at them

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Sooooo what do you think about the braids? People have told me that it changes my whole look. I haven’t worn braids in about 10yrs so it’s a little change for me as well. With my hair being natural I have to find more protective styles to wear in the future.

Well guys, I hope you all are having a great weekend. Plenty of football going on in my house. I can’t wait to see my team bring it home. Go Ravens!!!!

Peace and Blessings,
Dee

Ho hum bum

It’s just one of them days…

Yea, that’s right! It may sound cliche-ish and a few other articles could have possibly started a post off the same way. Well… sue me. Don’t take it personal, but I feel like belting out Monica’s popular and very relevant tune. That’s right, just five days into the New Year and here I go with my stuff. Well, I’m having a “me” moment, all up in my head. It started as I was sitting at my desk working and minding my own business. My co-worker comes in and starts having life chat with me. The chat was flowing well, we chuckled a little, talked about our kids, and our lives, our age and hitting the next big milestone since were both the same age. And it dawned on me, just as sure as I mouthed the words out loud, that I will be turning the big “40” in about 8 months. Not that I didn’t know this, but it’s something about 2012 that makes it more real. At first, I was good saying, I’ll be forty next year, no worries. But somehow saying, I’ll be forty THIS year makes it feel….different.

This is a new feeling, I’ve never experienced before. I’m slightly panicked. Lawdy Jesus, what is wrong with me.

A story comes to mind.

Some years back, a close friend had turned forty. We are exactly 10 years apart so I was thirty at the time. Well, she appeared to be embracing turning forty very well. She planned a party, had excitement and then when her birthday came, she woke up in a funk! She wouldn’t answer any calls; she stayed in bed and would not get up. Later in the day, she finally answered me after I rang her phone off the hook to the 10th power. When I asked her what was going on, she sounded like she was having some sort of breakdown. I told to cut it out and get out of the bed. She told me that she could not. She was explaining how she felt, how her youth was gone, and I just didn’t understand. I kept saying, you are beautiful, you still look young, and it just wasn’t working. She was even talking about not showing up to her own party. I didn’t know what to do, but I knew I had to get her out of bed and back to reality. I sat down and wrote her a beautiful poem about how important her life was, telling her all the wonderful things about herself that she had somehow managed to forget. I framed the poem, took it to her. She read it, cried, hugged and thanked me and just like that, her funk was over! She jumped up, began to prepare for her party and did the thing hard like a rock star! We had a blast. I never understood why my friend had those feelings or the mini breakdown until… NOW.

By nature, I’m analytical, and have been known on occasion to over analyze. In any event, I want to know why I’m feeling like this. I’m eight months shy of my birthday and already, I’m feeling some type of way. I know it sounds like craziness! Don’t judge me.

There could be a few reasons why I’ having a bit of anxiety about it. I can’t over think it, let me just say it:

1. My mom passed away when she was young. (44)

2. My mom’s mom passed away in her early forty’s.

3. My mom’s grandmother also passed away in her early forty’s.

4. I’m not married

5. I’ve never been married

6. The fear of running out of time.

Well, there you have it. I think these factors are key components of my feelings towards my next birthday. Don’t get it twisted, I’m not trying to end it or anything, and I thank God for my life thus far, and for my youthful look and feel. Such a blessing. I am human though, and I wonder how many others have felt like this, and how they coped. I’m pretty sure I’ll snap out of this craziness by tomorrow or something, but for now, it’s just one of them days.

Enough of that…

I do have an outfit or two to post. My New Years eve outfit was nothing spectacular. I kept it simple, as I’ve been finding myself leaning towards the simple lately and liking it . We went to a kiddie party earlier in the day, and spent the evening at watch night service. Church service was awesome, and just the perfect way to spend my last night of 2011. What a praise fest we had.

I wore:

Sweater- Target

Faux leather pants- Amsterdam Boutique

Shoes- Burlington

Clutch- shoppers world

Earrings- Rashidagurl

Bracelets- Forever21

Necklace- Lori’s

#4 is the only one who doesn’t mind posing for the camera. She’s a natural. Four is wearing:

Sweater dress- gift from G-ma

Tights- H&M

Faux Leopard Jacket- Children’s place

shoes- Target

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I know Miss Thing is a mess!!

Hope you all are having a good new year thus far.

Until next time, Peace and Blessings,
Dee