Don’t take it personal

Ho hum bum

It’s just one of them days…

Yea, that’s right! It may sound cliche-ish and a few other articles could have possibly started a post off the same way. Well… sue me. Don’t take it personal, but I feel like belting out Monica’s popular and very relevant tune. That’s right, just five days into the New Year and here I go with my stuff. Well, I’m having a “me” moment, all up in my head. It started as I was sitting at my desk working and minding my own business. My co-worker comes in and starts having life chat with me. The chat was flowing well, we chuckled a little, talked about our kids, and our lives, our age and hitting the next big milestone since were both the same age. And it dawned on me, just as sure as I mouthed the words out loud, that I will be turning the big “40” in about 8 months. Not that I didn’t know this, but it’s something about 2012 that makes it more real. At first, I was good saying, I’ll be forty next year, no worries. But somehow saying, I’ll be forty THIS year makes it feel….different.

This is a new feeling, I’ve never experienced before. I’m slightly panicked. Lawdy Jesus, what is wrong with me.

A story comes to mind.

Some years back, a close friend had turned forty. We are exactly 10 years apart so I was thirty at the time. Well, she appeared to be embracing turning forty very well. She planned a party, had excitement and then when her birthday came, she woke up in a funk! She wouldn’t answer any calls; she stayed in bed and would not get up. Later in the day, she finally answered me after I rang her phone off the hook to the 10th power. When I asked her what was going on, she sounded like she was having some sort of breakdown. I told to cut it out and get out of the bed. She told me that she could not. She was explaining how she felt, how her youth was gone, and I just didn’t understand. I kept saying, you are beautiful, you still look young, and it just wasn’t working. She was even talking about not showing up to her own party. I didn’t know what to do, but I knew I had to get her out of bed and back to reality. I sat down and wrote her a beautiful poem about how important her life was, telling her all the wonderful things about herself that she had somehow managed to forget. I framed the poem, took it to her. She read it, cried, hugged and thanked me and just like that, her funk was over! She jumped up, began to prepare for her party and did the thing hard like a rock star! We had a blast. I never understood why my friend had those feelings or the mini breakdown until… NOW.

By nature, I’m analytical, and have been known on occasion to over analyze. In any event, I want to know why I’m feeling like this. I’m eight months shy of my birthday and already, I’m feeling some type of way. I know it sounds like craziness! Don’t judge me.

There could be a few reasons why I’ having a bit of anxiety about it. I can’t over think it, let me just say it:

1. My mom passed away when she was young. (44)

2. My mom’s mom passed away in her early forty’s.

3. My mom’s grandmother also passed away in her early forty’s.

4. I’m not married

5. I’ve never been married

6. The fear of running out of time.

Well, there you have it. I think these factors are key components of my feelings towards my next birthday. Don’t get it twisted, I’m not trying to end it or anything, and I thank God for my life thus far, and for my youthful look and feel. Such a blessing. I am human though, and I wonder how many others have felt like this, and how they coped. I’m pretty sure I’ll snap out of this craziness by tomorrow or something, but for now, it’s just one of them days.

Enough of that…

I do have an outfit or two to post. My New Years eve outfit was nothing spectacular. I kept it simple, as I’ve been finding myself leaning towards the simple lately and liking it . We went to a kiddie party earlier in the day, and spent the evening at watch night service. Church service was awesome, and just the perfect way to spend my last night of 2011. What a praise fest we had.

I wore:

Sweater- Target

Faux leather pants- Amsterdam Boutique

Shoes- Burlington

Clutch- shoppers world

Earrings- Rashidagurl

Bracelets- Forever21

Necklace- Lori’s

#4 is the only one who doesn’t mind posing for the camera. She’s a natural. Four is wearing:

Sweater dress- gift from G-ma

Tights- H&M

Faux Leopard Jacket- Children’s place

shoes- Target

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I know Miss Thing is a mess!!

Hope you all are having a good new year thus far.

Until next time, Peace and Blessings,
Dee

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6 comments
  1. Julia Price Williams said:

    OK,you are reaching your 40th birthday soon,that’s a blessing. Kind of scary. When I turned 40,I never gave it a thought except to Thank God for the milestone. I did my best living when I turned 40,looking 30,lol.We never know why God allows things to come upon us.It’s part of life. Maybe not what we expect.It is what it is,and how we handle things. I no Marsha would be SOOOO proud of you,just as I am. I can see the the Growth in you,I no it gets complicated at times,but it’s all for your good. ‘m sure reaching 40 is gonna be no different from reaching your 30s. One differents,you are stronger now.As the years rolls on,you gonna get STRONGER!!!!

  2. Hello Dee, Happy New Year! I apologize for the delay visiting, have been swamped for weeks, but also in general struggle to keep up with blogs. I tend to read more than I comment as I have to monitor keyboarding time — history of tendonitis in both hands.

    I loved browsing through your last several posts and catching up on what’s been going on in your life. Your children are gorgeous! And they are all very stylish, you’ve done a great job passing on your passion for style.

    As for turning 40, I wanted to say a couple things. First, if I were you I would definitely be concerned given the early deaths of both your mother and grandmother. Given that history, I would want to know what if anything I might be able to do regarding my own health to avoid that tragic outcome.

    Second, I met the love of my life, Martin, when I was 46. We’re turning 54 in a few weeks and plan to get married in April after living together for close to 8 years. We have four children, two adult children of mine (26.5 and 33) and two college age children of his from previous marriages. Our past relationships were deeply unsatisfying, mostly because our upbringings had not prepared us well for adulthood, for making good choices as adults. It’s took us a long time to sort out the past.

    In your previous posts what most impresses me about you is the strength of your faith, your devotion to your children, and your amazing spirit and style. Just like your blog title says, you’re “fabulous” and in radiating that energy I have faith you will meet someone right for you. It might not happen right away, but it will happen.

    xoxo

  3. Jeeda said:

    Hey Lady! I can understand your concern of meeting the same fate as your mom, grandmother etc. but, to live in fear is not living at all. Besides the man upstairs pretty much have it all planned out anyway…if you catch my drift;) So, just live your life and enjoy them beautiful babies and enjoy “you”!! And by the way you look damn good to be knocking on 40’s door;). You and Miss Four looked fab for NYE!
    http://www.swooonblog.com

  4. Miss Dre said:

    Hello Dee!

    I’m sorry I’m coming across this post all late! Let me tell you, honey. You are a fab 39 year old hottie! I would have never known your true age had you not typed it. You wear your age really well. I know your babies are proud to have such a hip mama!

    Also, I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better about approaching your next birthday. I don’t know exactly how you feel, but I do know that as long as you’re here and living in the light of God, you have another day to carry out your life’s purpose. That in and of itself is awesome, isn’t it? This also means your life is not your mother’s or your grandmother’s. Just like you told me, God has a great work in you, and He is not measuring your time to carry it out by your mother or grandmother’s life span. You cannot live in fear, as Jeeda said, is not living at all. Remember, God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind (I have to recite this daily for a fear of my own, so I know it works!).

    Love you much and may God’s love cradle you in your times of fear. Be blessed, and take care of yourself, Dee!

  5. Thanks everyone for your wonderful heartfelt replies to my concerns. I appreciate each and every one of you and I took something different from each comment. I have much to live for and look forward too. Thanks again for making me feel better.
    🙂
    Dee

  6. Nicole Elmore said:

    OMG, Dee I am 41 and I have been having a melt down, breakdown, shakedown,(lol) I look at my breasts and they are even going down( I know you must be laughing by now) I said okay I got to go out and get me some more push up bra’s. I am laughing at myself for real. Delisa, When I turned 40 is was okay, but when I hit 41 I was crying and saying God is this it. Then I realize that it was just the beginning,. The Beginning of something Great in my life. A place that awaits me. A place to where I find true Love, A place to where the kids are all growing up and I get to travel more. I place to where I can look forward instead of looking backwards, simply because Our Best days are ahead of us. Dee,I am 41 and I realized that I have gotten wiser, stronger, loveable, I have made such Beautiful Sister ship with so many beautiful people( and You are one of them) So Embrace 40 my dear, because New things are coming each day.. You LOOK FAB

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