Say what?

Say what?
Sometimes, you have to do a double take at some of the things you hear. You might have to lean back, with a mean side eye as you mouth the words “say what?
I rode the train for work today and a lady was riding with two small children. The youngest looked like he was about one years old. He cried the whole way. After a while, the mom yells at him, “man , shut up I don’t have no candy man, y’all get on my F**** nerves crying all the time, shut up”.
Say what?
I cringed on the inside.
That poor baby immediately began to cry a river of tears, but this time it was different, these cries came deep from within, a place of hurt. She hurt that little one with her screaming, ranting, and raving. I wanted so badly to snatch him up in my bosom and soothe him and tell him that everything would be alright. I watched and his image lingered in my mind long after the bell sounded for his cries to exit the train. The mom didn’t have any shame. None at all. If she screamed like that on a public train, it’s no telling what she gave those kids at home. It made me wonder who was she, where’d she come from and how was she raised. Was she hurting? Abused? A drug addict? Overwhelmed? Am I judging her? Yes, I totally am. By nature, this is what most of us do. I don’t know her story, but the circumstances prompted me to break out a pen, my notebook, and here is what I came up with.
——————-

Don’t look at me with disgust in your eyes. If you don’t know my name, then you don’t know my shame.

She gave birth to me, but she was not present. She disappeared from my life before I could ever call her Ma-Ma.
She left me to cradle in my own arms. Singing lullabies to myself at night, and eating dry cereal in the morning.
Growing.
From pilar to post.
In her sights and out again. She gave me up and came back again. This time wearing a shinny ring and holding hands with a new daddy. She said, “from now on baby, life is good”.
He bounced me on his knee and tickled my fancy with treats.
He tried to ignite me with passions a young girl should never be made to understand.
Closing my eyes tight.
Ugly, terror, horrifying, imagery of golden lilies and death caskets.
I want to die.
Eyes tightly shut, but try as I might, death will not come.

I tell Ma-Ma to remove that shinny ring from her finger because her new found daddy is a new found disaster.
In one swoop.
She packs my life, my dry cereal and sends me away never to return.
A new place, hardly a home.
Now I’m fighting, stealing, screwing, and strutting.
I light my own flame, and I am high.
I powder my own nose, and I can breathe.
I am sick by morning, and thirsting for more powder and flame by night.
No period
No monthly
No 28 days til the next one, but 9 months later a new life is born.
He sings lullabies to himself while eating dry cereal.
I’m here, but I’m not present.

The cycle continues.
————————————————-

Yup, I broke out the pen and pad and started writing my Dears. That’s how the situation made me feel. Sometimes, without thinking, we judge people (myself included) without knowing the circumstance nor thinking of why the other person has the wrong behaviors. By nature, I’m an advocate for those who otherwise may not have a voice. My heart leaped for the kids, but after thinking, and writing, I felt something for the mom too. I’m not preaching, just reminding that sometimes we have to think outside what looks right, to get inside of what is right. Mom had some issues and it came from somewhere. I’m praying for her and those innocent helpless babies today.

Peace and blessings
Dee

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9 comments
  1. BEAUTIFUL work! The poem is exactly how it usually happens! I am sure there will be many a screaming moms who will say that’s my life. I try not to judge but I often think the same thing ” wonder what happened to her in her childhood?” people don’t turn ugly for no reason at all. Your poem is an accurate summary.

  2. Beautiful work! You answered the question we ask in this situation. People don’t have children and mistreat them for no good reason at all. Your poem covers all the usual scenarios that precedes these situations. Many will see themselves and say now someone understands. I don’t condone it but I do understand that pain can bring out the worst in some. Keep up the grreat work!

  3. Mary Conyers said:

    Just beautiful! Sometime we don’t know why people do the things they do. That could be a sign that if she don’t get some help soon it made turn out to be much worst then what you heard on the train for her and the children. We must pray that God will send someone (angel) to help her and the children.

  4. Brad said:

    Poem was beautiful. And yes you are right there’s always a reason behind actions like that. The true battle in our culture is breaking that cycle. It takes great strength. You should thank God for blessing you with it.

  5. Jeeda said:

    Although I do get it that a parent may have gone through some things and is struggling with their past or present for that matter but, my feelings are once you have a child you need to figure out a way to deal with those issues because I always say “they” meaning children didn’t ask to come here so don’t bring this poor babies into the world and mistreat them. Anywho I can sit here and rant and rave all morning;) great post and keep breaking out the pen!
    http://www.swoonblog.com

  6. journee kapri said:

    First i just want to say thank you for stopping by my blog. Second, your kids are beautiful. I know i have heard moms talk to their kids like that before and it made me feel bad because the kids were so used to it. I def is a better way to communicate though i do understand their frustration as a mother.

  7. It always makes me sad when Moms speak to children that way. Your poem is beautiful and sad. Good for you writing out your thoughts.

  8. Dee… This is amazing… amazing! Sometimes look at it this way too. The whole circle effect… And sometimes we look at all the sides so much, that we see what’s happening, but surrender our words to thoughts we keep to ourselves … But you wrote it perfectly! Wow! Luv u Dee!

  9. Nicole Elmore said:

    Gifted Woman of God you are De’Lisa..
    I love your poem.I love the article you wrote about the young mom & her child
    Wow, this needs to be heard by the world. You capture every emotion and I felt every word you said. I felt as though I was on the train with you. You painted the picture for us. I could actually see it in my mind. You capture our mind, hearts and fully attention. I love coming here, because your writing touches the deep places. Continue to shine Woman of God!!!!

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