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Hello Dears
I’m not doing the stanky leg. I’ll save the stanky leg til Friday. I am however doing the Humpty dance in honor of hump day. Hey, do the Humpty hump. lol..

This post won’t be long. I just wanted to give out a mid-week hump day dose of positivity, hope, and encouragement to whomever may need it. I sure need it, trust me, I be ministering to myself while trying to encourage others.

How was your Valentines day? Mines was wonderful. I have some single friends that wouldn’t even answer the phone yesterday because they didn’t have a “Valentine”. I’m single too, but you know it never entered my mind to break down about it. For me, love comes from a source of different things, people, and circumstance. I woke up yesterday so I know God loves me, my children love me, my family loves me, and so on. I am surrounded by love and I guess that’s why my day was beautiful. I have learned to look at the big things. Although, it would have been beautiful to get a gift, or some other sentiment from a gentlemen suitor, I’m cool with the gifts I received from my kids, from my heavenly father.

Hump day rules for maintaining a healthy you from the inside out:

-You are beautiful, your are important, you are loved. I don’t care what anybody says, you are beautiful.

-Remember you are important, and you are loved.

-It’s obvious that your life has purpose or you wouldn’t have it. Celebrate in the joys, get through the lows, and step up into your future, step up into your purpose.

-Don’t be mistreated, used, or abused. Make a choice to keep negative forces out of your realm. Don’t let the adversary plant him self in your circle.

-Even a tiny bit of faith, the size of a mustard seed is all God needs you to have so he can move on your behalf. Keep the faith.

-Trials happen, distractions may come, set backs may occur, and breakdown may arrive. But know, it will pass, it cannot reside in you forever as long as you push it aside.
Push.. Pray.Until.Something.Happens

“Remember to remain calm in situations, for God has an investment in us. We may have to hit the bottom, and we may even cry, but we will rise. Not because of us, but because of what’s in us!”
Love to you all..

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OOTD- I’m wearing:
Blazer- Ann Taylor (gift from Aunt)
Blazer- Thrifted
Shoes- Missoni for Target
Earrings,necklace- shoppers world
Bracelets, rings- F21

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Peace and Blessings
Dee

She said to me,

“you aren’t everything that you think you are. These white people don’t care anything about you and all you do”.

This declaration came from my supervisor after a meeting where the manager, medical director and director of operations raved about me and the ideas that I had presented to the table. It wasn’t the first time they came to me instead of her, it wasn’t the first time that I was asked for my opinion, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. That was the beginning of the end for me and Miss Supervisor. Almost everyday since then has been a challenge working with her. Sadly, she dislikes me because I’m articulate, likable, knowledgable, and I get the job done. She would be sweet as pie when the higher ups were within view, and when they weren’t she was a different person. A wolf in sheeps clothing if I’d ever seen one. I don’t know why but she is threatened by my expertise and it’s despicable. Instead of her utilizing me to the fullest which would in turn only be great for the company, she exhausted herself trying to stifle me. It really didn’t work, because those who should have turned to her, sought me out instead. I didn’t ask for it, they just came my way. My years in healthcare span over thirteen years and I certainly wasn’t just going through the motions, I have been busy equipping myself for a time such as this. I pride myself on patient centered patient care. I’m big on finding solutions, solving problems, it’s just what I do. I’m not doing anything unless I give it my all, and Miss Supervisor had her own shortcomings, issues with race, prejudice, and she attacked me as a result of her own selfish ambitions and insecurities. Most of us have a character defect or two that we aren’t very proud of, but do we bring that into the workplace? Miss Supervisor sure does. We’ve been going back and forth for two years, never seeing eye to eye. She’d come at me sideways, and I’d treat her the same way. On any given day, you can catch her in a heated brawl with another employee. She manipulates them by saying things like, “black women need to stick together”. All the while, she makes it virtually impossible to stick with anything she mandates. Despicable. About a year ago, I stopped reacting to her in that Ra-Ra sort of way, as I knew it was what she wanted. She would push your buttons and then suddenly turn into a victim when you reacted to her injustice. I have never, ever met a person like her in the workplace. That thing is a special breed. At long last, I realized, it wasn’t worth it for me and this woman would continue to make my work life a living hell. I prayed about it, and asked God to open new doors for me. He did just that, and next week, a new chapter for me will begin. I am so excited about my new job and even more excited about God’s perfect timing and how wide open he kicked this door for me. I remained faithful to that job for as long as I could, and although I’ll miss the relationships that were forged there, I will not miss the constant bickering, the manipulation, the abuse, and the unprofessionalism. I carry God wherever I go, even still the devil is busy lurking on every corner. I’m so glad that I had my armor protecting me always. I am like a flower, and my natural ability is to bloom. I stopped blooming. My time there is up. God moved me out after my assignment was complete. One thing I know, my mark was left, and they will never forget this lil firecracker with the great work ethics, toting a briefcase full of professionalism, motivation, and skills long enough to stretch from here to the nile river. They’ll never forget me!

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I’m sorry it took me a little while to post but I have been a little wrapped up. Tying loose ends and such. Busy preparing myself mentally for my new job. Anyway, I’m back! Lol..
FYI: these braids are making their last appearance, tonight it’s going down. I’ve had enough. They are itching like crazy.I will show you my growth and my new hairstyle tomorrow. The natural hair journey continues. I love you guys and thank you for your continued support. To the ones that emailed me to check and see what’s up with the post, I appreciate ya!

I’m wearing:
Red/brown sweater- thrifted(not shown)
Belted Peacoat- gift
Gray slacks- Burlington
Brown pumps- Target
Briefcase- thrifted (what a steal $6.99)
Earrings- Rashidagurl

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Peace and Blessings
Dee

Hello Dears
Let’s mix it up a bit. I’m already late as I planned to post this earlier in the morning. I digress. Oh well, there is no better time than the present, and I’m on it now! Lol.. This post is kinda lengthy, but worth it. Sit tight, and cop a squat.

Moving right along.

I really like the definition of mingle, and mix & mingle is more a play on words as it relates to my post today. For starters the word “Mingle” means: mix or cause to mix together: “an expression that mingled compassion and bewilderment”. To move freely around a place or at a social function, associating with others”.

So my Dears, I want you to think of my blog as a place to move around and get a full on mix of everything you may need to get you through your day. I want this to be a place of comfort, hope, and relatable experiences. Many of us are more alike than we are different. It’s sounds good for someone to be constantly happy, never experiencing any pain or disappointment or feelings of worthlessness. If every single second of every day is happy happy, joy, joy, then someone is kidding themselves. The issue is, that we don’t share our hurts, mishaps and disappointments. I’ve been guilty of this myself, but then if I don’t share, how can I inspire? Not saying you should share your whole self, but you know, pick and choose your audience. You never know who may be sitting front row needing a word from you. I have my good and bad days, same as anybody else. Things don’t always go the way I expect, sometimes I’m going in circles, and it’s no use in me pretending that I am completely perfect on all levels, because it’s just not true. Sometimes, I literally have to push myself and talk to God just to get out of the bed in the morning. This single mother thing is no field trip through ice cream valleys, and sugar cone streams. It’s hard. I thank God for his hand on my life, and for the support system he has set in place for me. I was twenty-seven years old when I lost my mother, and although I miss her beyond what words can express, God has afforded me the opportunity to come across other mothers who have loved me, and encouraged me as if I were their own. It’s remarkable the women of phenomenal distinction I’ve crossed paths with. Oh the honor. Everyday that I go on, that I write, and I encourage another, I am paying honor to them who have done the same for me. I press.

I’ve been having conversations with an exceptionally rare gem. A single mother, strong, anointed, gifted, and powerful. A wise one, with dreams that go beyond the scope of humanization, dreams that could only be painted by God. I am not going to expose her, but incase she happens upon my blog, she’ll know, this is for her. I believe in you, and it’s for good reason. When you get discouraged, just come here, and get an ounce full of hope to keep pushing. Don’t settle for less, and know your worth. You are even worth so much, that the devil is fighting Jesus for you. We wage war against the enemy, and I declare with authority from the most high that he is defeated. We press.

I stand
You laugh and mock the life I made for you. How did I get here. Stripped of myself, my beauty, and dreams.

Naked before you, and the world. I can’t hide the truth of it all. I gave it all, and tried with my best try, and it still shattered before my eyes.

Before days light, I’ve cried an ocean for you and with every tear, I lost a part of me. I’m tumbling through life and it’s chaotic. Desperately seeking a peak of the woman I use to be. The calm comes when I just stand. Something tells me, Woman, you must stand!
I hear laughter, and children playing on the carousal of life.
I feel the heat of myself and I quiver with anticipation of meeting me again.
I stand tall.
And you, are a distant memory of tears dried by the sun of the new day’s light.
I am me again.
Breathing, living, beautiful, fearfully and wonderfully living my dreams.

That was for somebody, who ever the shoe fits, wear it and know, you are not alone.
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It seems it’s been so long since I’ve done an outfit post. Not that I couldn’t have, I just haven’t. Well, I’m challenging myself to do this no less than 3-5 times this week. Ha! We shall see. I love this outfit, and with the weather changing, my mood is too. I felt like mixing it up, wishing for spring time. That’s where these cute little peach pants came into play. I found these thrifting a few months back and I had them dry cleaned and kinda forgot about them. This fabric is like, butter. I can’t describe it, they just feel good.
I hope you enjoy the outfit, and my mix and mingle post. Let me know and thanks for reading.

I’m wearing:
Glittered tank- thrifted
Military Blazer- F21
Slacks- thrifted
Leopard pumps-Amsterdam boutique
Jewelry- H&M

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Yay me!! Outfit post accomplished!

Peace and blessings,
Dee

Say what?
Sometimes, you have to do a double take at some of the things you hear. You might have to lean back, with a mean side eye as you mouth the words “say what?
I rode the train for work today and a lady was riding with two small children. The youngest looked like he was about one years old. He cried the whole way. After a while, the mom yells at him, “man , shut up I don’t have no candy man, y’all get on my F**** nerves crying all the time, shut up”.
Say what?
I cringed on the inside.
That poor baby immediately began to cry a river of tears, but this time it was different, these cries came deep from within, a place of hurt. She hurt that little one with her screaming, ranting, and raving. I wanted so badly to snatch him up in my bosom and soothe him and tell him that everything would be alright. I watched and his image lingered in my mind long after the bell sounded for his cries to exit the train. The mom didn’t have any shame. None at all. If she screamed like that on a public train, it’s no telling what she gave those kids at home. It made me wonder who was she, where’d she come from and how was she raised. Was she hurting? Abused? A drug addict? Overwhelmed? Am I judging her? Yes, I totally am. By nature, this is what most of us do. I don’t know her story, but the circumstances prompted me to break out a pen, my notebook, and here is what I came up with.
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Don’t look at me with disgust in your eyes. If you don’t know my name, then you don’t know my shame.

She gave birth to me, but she was not present. She disappeared from my life before I could ever call her Ma-Ma.
She left me to cradle in my own arms. Singing lullabies to myself at night, and eating dry cereal in the morning.
Growing.
From pilar to post.
In her sights and out again. She gave me up and came back again. This time wearing a shinny ring and holding hands with a new daddy. She said, “from now on baby, life is good”.
He bounced me on his knee and tickled my fancy with treats.
He tried to ignite me with passions a young girl should never be made to understand.
Closing my eyes tight.
Ugly, terror, horrifying, imagery of golden lilies and death caskets.
I want to die.
Eyes tightly shut, but try as I might, death will not come.

I tell Ma-Ma to remove that shinny ring from her finger because her new found daddy is a new found disaster.
In one swoop.
She packs my life, my dry cereal and sends me away never to return.
A new place, hardly a home.
Now I’m fighting, stealing, screwing, and strutting.
I light my own flame, and I am high.
I powder my own nose, and I can breathe.
I am sick by morning, and thirsting for more powder and flame by night.
No period
No monthly
No 28 days til the next one, but 9 months later a new life is born.
He sings lullabies to himself while eating dry cereal.
I’m here, but I’m not present.

The cycle continues.
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Yup, I broke out the pen and pad and started writing my Dears. That’s how the situation made me feel. Sometimes, without thinking, we judge people (myself included) without knowing the circumstance nor thinking of why the other person has the wrong behaviors. By nature, I’m an advocate for those who otherwise may not have a voice. My heart leaped for the kids, but after thinking, and writing, I felt something for the mom too. I’m not preaching, just reminding that sometimes we have to think outside what looks right, to get inside of what is right. Mom had some issues and it came from somewhere. I’m praying for her and those innocent helpless babies today.

Peace and blessings
Dee

Hey Dears…
I miss my blog and have stayed away just a tad bit too long. Forgive me readers, and followers.
I’ve been busy doing stuff.

Being a mom, blogging, reading blogs, studying, trying to get into the word more, work, new work, de-cluttering my life, working my vision board, on top of a host of other things is all like having two full time jobs, seriously! And I needed a minute. Woosahhhh… Lol

I spoke to a blogger friend who was telling me about scheduling future post. Hmmmm, maybe I shall try that. Writing is still my first love and it’s also important to me when folks come here and genuinely reach out to me and offer support, encouragement and that extra push I sometimes need. Thank you all for continuing to read my thoughts, ramblings, & moments of temporary insanity. Lol.. Love you guys!! Muah xoxo

You must not know about me, but im sort of a Jack-e of all trades. There are so many things I’ve been blessed with the talent to do. I will begin to show more of those things as my blogging journey continues. One of the things I love is writing poetry. I’m definitely sensitive about it, and I’m more private with it as well. I’ve had secret journals filled with poetry since the age of fourteen. Well, little by little and bit by bit, I’ll allow a glimpse to emerge from time to time of some recent poetry. I say it’s time to break out. Take a look below:

Very deep within, my soul cries out Hallelujah
For I’ve tried life, on my terms, sinking deeper and deeper in sin…
I was lost, and God rescued me from the bowels of my own destruction.
Crazy, depressed, hazy, and blinded by my own selfish desires.
Used, abused, shattered, and cut off, a disguise of my own false existence…
Very deep within, my soul cried out, save me…
And he did.
Now I can breathe the breath of life
I can live, I can laugh, I can sing
My refuge, my strong tower, my knight and shinning armor.
My King plucked me from the bowels of my own despair and welcomed me with open arms.
Oh my soul, from very deep within cries out Hallelujah
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the end..

Let me know what you guys think, and if you’d like me to post more in the future for you guys to read.

I haven’t really had time for outfit post. The last one was a little over a week, and I didn’t even post it. Shame, shame, shame on me!
I wore:
Top: Old Navy
Jeans- Target
Blazer- thrifted
Shoes- rainbow
Hoops, necklace, bangles- Claire’s, F21
Clutch- shoppers world
Peacoat- Target

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As you can see, my natural hair is really growing alot. It’s getting on my nerves and I’m quite board with it, so I braided it up. I haven’t taken any outfit pics since I’ve had the braids, but here’s a quick look at them

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Sooooo what do you think about the braids? People have told me that it changes my whole look. I haven’t worn braids in about 10yrs so it’s a little change for me as well. With my hair being natural I have to find more protective styles to wear in the future.

Well guys, I hope you all are having a great weekend. Plenty of football going on in my house. I can’t wait to see my team bring it home. Go Ravens!!!!

Peace and Blessings,
Dee

Ho hum bum

It’s just one of them days…

Yea, that’s right! It may sound cliche-ish and a few other articles could have possibly started a post off the same way. Well… sue me. Don’t take it personal, but I feel like belting out Monica’s popular and very relevant tune. That’s right, just five days into the New Year and here I go with my stuff. Well, I’m having a “me” moment, all up in my head. It started as I was sitting at my desk working and minding my own business. My co-worker comes in and starts having life chat with me. The chat was flowing well, we chuckled a little, talked about our kids, and our lives, our age and hitting the next big milestone since were both the same age. And it dawned on me, just as sure as I mouthed the words out loud, that I will be turning the big “40” in about 8 months. Not that I didn’t know this, but it’s something about 2012 that makes it more real. At first, I was good saying, I’ll be forty next year, no worries. But somehow saying, I’ll be forty THIS year makes it feel….different.

This is a new feeling, I’ve never experienced before. I’m slightly panicked. Lawdy Jesus, what is wrong with me.

A story comes to mind.

Some years back, a close friend had turned forty. We are exactly 10 years apart so I was thirty at the time. Well, she appeared to be embracing turning forty very well. She planned a party, had excitement and then when her birthday came, she woke up in a funk! She wouldn’t answer any calls; she stayed in bed and would not get up. Later in the day, she finally answered me after I rang her phone off the hook to the 10th power. When I asked her what was going on, she sounded like she was having some sort of breakdown. I told to cut it out and get out of the bed. She told me that she could not. She was explaining how she felt, how her youth was gone, and I just didn’t understand. I kept saying, you are beautiful, you still look young, and it just wasn’t working. She was even talking about not showing up to her own party. I didn’t know what to do, but I knew I had to get her out of bed and back to reality. I sat down and wrote her a beautiful poem about how important her life was, telling her all the wonderful things about herself that she had somehow managed to forget. I framed the poem, took it to her. She read it, cried, hugged and thanked me and just like that, her funk was over! She jumped up, began to prepare for her party and did the thing hard like a rock star! We had a blast. I never understood why my friend had those feelings or the mini breakdown until… NOW.

By nature, I’m analytical, and have been known on occasion to over analyze. In any event, I want to know why I’m feeling like this. I’m eight months shy of my birthday and already, I’m feeling some type of way. I know it sounds like craziness! Don’t judge me.

There could be a few reasons why I’ having a bit of anxiety about it. I can’t over think it, let me just say it:

1. My mom passed away when she was young. (44)

2. My mom’s mom passed away in her early forty’s.

3. My mom’s grandmother also passed away in her early forty’s.

4. I’m not married

5. I’ve never been married

6. The fear of running out of time.

Well, there you have it. I think these factors are key components of my feelings towards my next birthday. Don’t get it twisted, I’m not trying to end it or anything, and I thank God for my life thus far, and for my youthful look and feel. Such a blessing. I am human though, and I wonder how many others have felt like this, and how they coped. I’m pretty sure I’ll snap out of this craziness by tomorrow or something, but for now, it’s just one of them days.

Enough of that…

I do have an outfit or two to post. My New Years eve outfit was nothing spectacular. I kept it simple, as I’ve been finding myself leaning towards the simple lately and liking it . We went to a kiddie party earlier in the day, and spent the evening at watch night service. Church service was awesome, and just the perfect way to spend my last night of 2011. What a praise fest we had.

I wore:

Sweater- Target

Faux leather pants- Amsterdam Boutique

Shoes- Burlington

Clutch- shoppers world

Earrings- Rashidagurl

Bracelets- Forever21

Necklace- Lori’s

#4 is the only one who doesn’t mind posing for the camera. She’s a natural. Four is wearing:

Sweater dress- gift from G-ma

Tights- H&M

Faux Leopard Jacket- Children’s place

shoes- Target

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I know Miss Thing is a mess!!

Hope you all are having a good new year thus far.

Until next time, Peace and Blessings,
Dee

(WARNING: PICTURE HEAVY)

Ode to 2011

It’s so hard, To say goodbye to yesterdayyyy-eeee. Not!
I’m glad as ever it’s 2012. However, I can never forget some of the things that 2011 brought me. I’ve had some bad days, but I came through. Some pretty monumental times came too. Amazing experiences that I can never forget. Reflecting back on the year, it wasn’t so bad at all, for I had some of the best joys of my life. Take a trip with as I tell a 2011 story through pictures and words.

The 2011 photo-story lookbook.

Disclaimer: I am not a professional photographer, nor is my camera of the highest quality. Most pics were taking with my kodak or iPhone. My quality lies in my content.

It’s me- prior to natural hair
I’m wearing:
Tank- Walmart
Leopard sweater- Forever21
Necklace- Forever21
Jeans- not shown

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I’ve had some proud Momma moments. One of my proudest 2011 memories was when my daughter (15) and son (12) were baptized. (Twenty was baptized when she was twelve and my four year old isn’t ready yet) Gee, was I proud, and oh so happy. Seeing my kids get baptized, it was an awesome feeling.

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I’m not proclaiming that I’m the best mommy but,

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After morning service, this is what we usually do:

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Sunday breakfast. WE EAT!!

I usually have way more camera time with Miss thang #4. That’s mostly because she is always picture ready and eager to pose for the camera. Those other three avoid the camera like the plague!
Easter Sunday Four is wearing:
Dress- The Children’s Place
Purse- The Childen’s Place
Shoes- Target
Ruffle socks- ? Gift from G-ma

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Son Twelve is wearing:
Graphic Tee- The Children’s Place
Khaki Blazer- The Children’s Place
Jeans- The Childrens’s Place

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Another highlight and proud moment I was blessed to have was being able to buy my daughter (twenty) her first car. Happy, happy, happy. She needed it! Working, college, deserving!

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Here’s a cute outfit post. I’m wearing:
Denim Top- Walmart
Pencil skirt- Forever21
Belt- Arden B
Purse- Burlington
Cable knit tights- Marshalls
Necklace- Burlington
Boots- ?

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Watching your kids grow up right before your eyes is definitely a humbling experience. I’m such a punk, and surely shed a tear as my daughter, then age 14 went off to 8th grade prom

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This girl been clicking around in my heels since she was a tot

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She wore:
Dress- Macy’s
Shrug, Necklace, Earrings Forever21
Clutch- From cousin
Shoes- Barefeet

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Four went and had an eye exam, and walked out with a pair of glasses. Looks adorable in them too!

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Leaving church

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When twenty first went off to college, she was living on campus. During that time, her hair was unkept. I have always done the girls hair, we don’t do hairdressers/stylist,etc. Who can afford that? Certainly not a single mom of four on a budget. I’ve always done their hair. Well, my college bound kid couldn’t so much as put a ponytail in her hair, nor wrap it. A curling iron…. Forget about it. She has been natural for three years, so it wasn’t chemicals that killed it. It broke off really bad and eventually we just made some decisions about it. She went from this:

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20120102-014907.jpg well, that worked out for a while, but she went back to school and couldn’t maintain that either, so I cut it to this

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I’ve had a hair journey of my own. I big chopped in June 2011 and have not had any creamy crack(relaxer) on my hair since then. This hair journey is not easy at all. So many nights I fingered my hair thinking, I should just relax it now. I miss my straight hair atleast once a week, but I’ve stuck it out. This natural hair has given me freedom. It certainly was a big move for me in 2011 because I change my hair like all the time. Check the before and the after

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My first and only hair weave(so far) lol..

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20120102-021407.jpg my hair has always been super super thick and pretty healthy.. So anyway, natural journey begins-the big chop.. Yikes

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20120102-022400.jpg it’s growing back now! I’m about ready for those protective styles like braids or a even a weave.

Ok, I know I’ve said this a few times, but this has got to be one of the best experiences of 2011. The day me and my daughter met rapper/actor/my husband 🙂 Common. I was leaving work, and riding through downtown and their he is. Filming a movie. I called my daughter and told her what and who I just seen and to get their immediately. She arrived and I told her to park the car. Not only did we meet him, but the producer guys asked me and my daughter to be extra’s in a scene. He was so nice and humble. So willing to talk to the mob of people who were their. He signed autographs, shook hands, and his energy was just.. Em… saying something to me! All those people out there, and they just happened to choose me and my child. I couldn’t believe it. I’ve never been like starstruck or anything because afterall, they are just people. But I was going gaga. Mesmerized. That is one beautiful man.

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20120102-023157.jpg peep how constipated me and my daughter look while posing with Common

20120102-023904.jpgLOL.. STARSTRUCK!!!! You just never know what may happen, or when. We weren’t expecting to meet a celebrity and see him filming a movie in our city, and then get asked to be an extras in that movie. That was favor! That is one experience my daughter and I will always have and never forget.

(ALMOST DONE WITH THIS POST)

For my 2011 birthday I had a small
impromptu party. I had such a great time and felt so much love as friends just kept showing up. We had a blast!

20120102-030037.jpgLine dancing.. And Yes!!! I was getting it in!

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More family fun

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At the airport waiting for a flight

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Fifteen be looking like she on the runway sometimes. Ha!

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This concludes my 2011 photo lookbook. If you stuck around to the end of this post, I commend you because it’s extra long. Forgive me, I was getting carried away. The point wasn’t to brag or glory in anything, but to remind myself and others that even in the midst of our storms, (and I did have some 2011 storms) We are still blessed. The year wasn’t as bad as I thought, and it was surely better than 2010. God is good!

I hope you all enjoyed it. Have you done any reflecting over the past year? If you haven’t, please do and recognize, you’ve had more good times than bad.

Now, let’s get this 2012 party started right! The year of new beginnings! I’m excited for you, and for me.

Peace and Blessings,
Dee