It seems ironic that my blog challenge would be about the very thing I’ve been struggling with for quite sometime.
When I first started this blog, I had no idea the direction I would take. What I knew for certain was that I wanted to write. As I looked at other blogs and began to follow them, I discovered similarities in our interest in terms of fashion, shopping, and beauty. And since they were all writing about it, I thought I should too. It was thrilling at first, and the feedback was phenomenal. But then, it become a bit intimidating with the photo taking. I’m a simple girl as it relates to technology. Although my pictures weren’t blurry, or bad, they also weren’t taken with professional equipment. The quality of the pictures mattered some, but not enough to make me run out to buy expensive equipment that other bloggers deemed almost as a staple. Chile, I was just as happy snapping it up with my camera phone. That went on for a while, and then I noticed, a shift was taking place. It was more writing, and less picture taking. I’m a writer, not a photographer so it makes since. Then, life happened. I was busy doing life stuff and the blog mattered less. I couldn’t figure out why since writing was after-all, my first love and it was that love that led me to blogging. Writing the blog gave me a way to express myself more openly and honestly and that was cathartic for me in a way. In my first year of blogging 2011, I had about thirty-seven written and published post. In 2012 it was twenty-seven. Not bad, and I felt quite accomplished. Last year I blogged a whopping six times. Pick up your lip, you heard correct—-SIX TIMES. (wowzers, pathetic).
Immediately, I identified this as a problem. I knew the blog was there, but I ignored it like an overdue bill that I didn’t have the money to pay. It was something that was keeping me from blogging other than time management. And recently, I figured it out. The title of my blog. “Cheap and Fabulous Mom on a Nickel”. I picked the name. And yet, I hated it. The part that bothered me most was the word “Cheap”. It seems completely psychotic to me that I hated it so much, yet it was what I chose. Totally insane right? What was I thinking? Calling myself cheap. That spoke volumes to me. Surely, I could have found other words to describe my bargain shopping, and my gift for catching a deal. So why did I settle on that. Hell no, I’m not cheap. I can’t identify with that. That name began to haunt me. I sensed signals being sent out to the universe,—She’s cheap, she’s cheap. Oh no, pump the brakes. It’s time for a change. So, today I stand in my truth and openly admit that I subconsciously hated the blog because of the name. It is not a representation of my authentic self, so I stopped associating with it. Bingo! There, I said it. Something so simple, yet it kept me away. I’ve decided, I have to change the blog name. I don’t know if it will hinder anything because at this point of not blogging for so long, the audience I began to build, drifted away. That settles it, I’m starting over. The name must change. Now I feel free in continuing to reveal “who that girl” is. I’m a mother, a writer, a poet, and in many ways, an activist.
photo by: MichaelLawson
I’m passionate, deep thinking, loving, no nonsense, sensitive, difficult, transparent, complicated, yet easy to please. I’m fashionable, hip, reserved, quiet, introverted, spiritual, inquisitive, and so much more. Actually I’m so many things, its hard to pinpoint definitively, “who that girl” is. And I’m ok with that. Frankly, the blog is about me and my journey and the ways it may connect with someone else’s journey. I’ve seen alot, I’ve done alot. Some I’m proud of, and some not so much. But it is my hope that I gain freedom in telling a little bit more of my story, and if its moment by moment, or week to week, or even month to month, I’m hoping someone will come along and travel with me on this journey. Maybe you can help me, perhaps I can help you. Just know, it’s all love, it’s all me, and I do it first with the love of Christ and the ambition to help others with my truth.
Whose that girl—–
— the blogger formally known as *insert sigh* Cheap fab Mom is now DeeJourney of a fab writing Mom *insert giggles*